Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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