stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
