i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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