i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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