it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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