I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
