i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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