But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
