if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
