Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
