4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
