You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize