He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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