Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
