She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
