Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
