You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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