Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
