I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
