walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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