i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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