Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
