Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
