If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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