Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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