well I can't set my house on fire every night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
