i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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