Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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