I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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