I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
