i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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