I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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