i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
