tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
