I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
