i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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