im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
