Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found puke in my bra..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
