I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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