her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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