he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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