So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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