I seem to have left my pride at pride
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
