He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
