So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
