When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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