Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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