Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
