a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
