That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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