we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
