there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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