I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
