I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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