The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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