worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
