oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
