i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
