talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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