I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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