hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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