Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
