I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You made out with two different species that night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
