I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
