last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
