There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
