Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently you make a good broom.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
