i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize