Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
