I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
