You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
