Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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