I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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