I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
