she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
