Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize