Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Panties = found
Randomize
