I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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