I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
