My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
