Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
