Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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