I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
