My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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