i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize