I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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