The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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