this just has baby written all over it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
