Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
