you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
