clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I love you.
Bad choice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
