There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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