Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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