I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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