is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
