i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
