A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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