it was like his penis was on wheels.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize