Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
