Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
