I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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