she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize